In 2012 I was asked to tell my story at the YWCA Spring Breakfast in Nashville, Tennessee. The YWCA of Nashville and Middle Tennessee is the largest provider of services to fight domestic violence in Middle Tennessee. Following is the transcript from that day. You can also see the video of the presentation by clicking here.

If you are living with domestic violence right now, call 1-800-334-4628.

We need your help to eradicate domestic violence in our city. Please give here.

Hi, I’m Hannah

I’m the Founder of Paramore Digital

I am a business owner

A mother

A daughter

A runner

A grandmother

A golfer. This is my first birdie!

A girlfriend

My daddy was a preacher

I am confident

And knowledgeable

I have a nice house

That is decorated just exactly like I want it

I wear nice clothes

I drive a nice car

I have lots of friends

I like to throw a party

… 

A year ago at this breakfast I listened to the stories of the survivors of domestic violence and I realized something…

The thing that is worse than living through domestic violence is living in it.

And the thing that is worse than that is watching your daughter live in it.

She came into the office every day, this precious daughter of mine, with that look. Scared, hungry, defeated.  The look that says I’m handling it when everyone knew she was not.

So I sat in this room and listened to Barbie Isham sing Bridge Over Troubled Water and a line of that song just jumped out at me…

I will lay me down. 

I will lay me down.

What wouldn’t I lay down for my daughter?

You can have everything else, but she is my daughter and you can’t have her.

After the breakfast I called Pat Shea and she directed me to the YWCA crisis line where I spoke with a crisis counselor who spent an hour with me as I described what I was seeing, what I was surmising and what I knew for sure…

And the counselor talked me through my options regarding what to do, one of which was to wait until my daughter was ready to make a change.  The counselor also told me what to expect, which was that my daughter would also change her mind. 

She told me that the time would come, and what to do when it did.   And that when it did, the YW would be there to support us.

I didn’t really know what I was waiting for, but the moment did come a few weeks later and when it did, I said…

Honey I know you think that I’m concerned about you because you are my daughter, and that’s true, but it’s more than that…

I’m concerned about you because I have been where you are.

And I told her my story, the one that I thought I would never share.

It helps that I’ve been married 3 times, so there’s no way you’ll know which one I’m talking about.

I am a mother

A business owner

A smart woman

A snappy dresser

And a survivor of domestic violence.

Abuse can sneak up on you. Few people go from a normal healthy relationship directly into abuse in one step. It happens by degrees.  There is the first infringement and you think nothing will ever be the same.  Then the sun comes up and your children wake up.  They want breakfast.  Your job is still fun.  Your friends treat you the same.  And so begins the blurring of the boundaries until one day you wake up and don't know how you got here.  You can no longer tell the difference between normal and abnormal behavior.

Abuse can sneak up on you.  It may be emotional, it may be physical and it may be both.  Either way the victim is often the one left with the shame. 

If you are living with domestic violence right now, please hear this…

·      Domestic violence will not get better on its own.  It gets worse with time.

·      It is not your fault. There is now, therefore no condemnation for you. Nothing can separate you from the love of God.  Not something you have done or something that he has done to you.

·      The past doesn’t dictate who you are.  India Arie says ‘I’m dropping these bags and making room for my joy.’

·      You can get out.  You are free indeed.

·      There is help for you on the other side of the door.

 In this room there are about 700 people.  About 400 of you are women.  If the statistics hold true, in this room 100 of us will experience domestic violence at least once in our lives.

I want to stop the cycle…because I have a vested interest.

You see, I have a lot of women in my life.

 They’re important to me. They add color and shade and joy to my life. All these women…

And one special little girl…

I want to stop the cycle before it gets to her.

I want to stop the cycle, but I don’t know how.

Will you help me?

Will you start right now?

Will you give to the YWCA to support….

·      The crisis hotline so our girls and our girlfriends will have someone to call at their worst moment.

·      The Weaver domestic violence shelter so they will have somewhere to go

·      The GED program so they can improve their lives and better provide for themselves

And Girls Inc so we can stop this craziness early and help girls stay in school and stay safe.

·      Whatever number you have in mind, add a zero.

Because this is Vera, and she’s my granddaughter, and she is worth it. 

And so are you.

Thank you